Dear John....

Here is my open letter to John Mayer, whom I say with my best friend on Friday night:

Dear John,

You talk entirely too much. I have coined a new phrase called, "Being a John Mayer." This means someone is being extremely dramatic and over the top.

There is no doubt you are talented. What I do doubt is your ability to shut up. I think Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston would agree.

Love Ya, Mean It!

Love,
Leslie

Hey Bartender....

I just recently got back from a "business trip," that was held in Florida. Usually the trip, which I have been on 4 times now, is an amazing time with warm weather, sun, and relaxation. This year it was cold. 65 degrees with 25 mph winds.

So I spent quality amounts of time roaming around the resort and searching for Diet Coke. It completely annoys me when there is only Pepsi products available at a resort...freaking provide both if my room rate is $995/night....you can afford it!

As I was roaming the resort hallways I wondered into a coffee shop that had cans of D Coke for $2.95...and yeah...I bought two. As I was waiting in line, this 90 pound tan as a blackberry lady that might have been around 75 years old passed by me. The first thing that caught my attention was the fact that she only wore a sweatshirt and a black bikini bottom...keep in mind...she is 75 years old. She is so tan that her saggy little ass almost looks cute.

She passes by me and leans into the large fridge to grab out...and I am not kidding you....an Ensure enhanced calorie drink...and 2 cans of Miller Light. As she passes by me she says in the lowest, deepest, smokiest voice, "Excuse me."

I love this woman...she is my HERO!

Beer Cost, Champagne Look

Today I have on a dress that cost me $2.47...and I have to admit...I LOVE IT! It is basically a man's dress shirt print with a structured belt. The amazing little grey snake skin pumps I have on cost $15 at TJ Maxx. The completion of my outfit is a pair of earrings I got at New York & Co for $4.99. $22.46 for the entire outfit...and I have only told one person the true cost! I am getting better at not spilling my secrets.....

The Rachel Zoe of the Midwest

My husband often jokes that I am the Rachel Zoe of the Midwest. I take this as a HUGE compliment because I love the stylings of RZ and immensely enjoyed her show. I love to look for high end brands that compliment my Forever 21 accessories. I enjoy when people compliment me on an outfit that perhaps only cost me $25. I love to shop for clothing and accessories and nothing pleases me more than when I get something for 90% off. I mean people, I get seriously giddy!

I also have formed relationships with some of my favorite shop people around both Columbus and Lancaster. Sometimes they call me if something is on sale or marked lower. I also get giddy about customer service. I have been known to drop off sweets to one of my favorite cosmetics guy at CO Bigelow for being a "sweetie!"

So today, as my hubby and I were exchanging emails today I had to laugh out loud at this one:


Hey.. the mail just came & I'm curious... why does Nordstrom write you PERSONAL notes, now?? Should I be worried?

Love,
James

Part Time Lovers

I am currently listing to my iPod and right now Stevie Wonder's, "Part Time Lover," is playing.

I couldn't help but wonder if Tiger played this song for all his Ho's.

Sleeping Beauty

My hubby has gently made me aware of the fact that I might snore a bit. I am sure it is really more of a lady like snore than he has suggested. So I was thinking (being the amazing wife I am,) maybe I should try those nose strips that are supposed to alleviate snoring.

But then I became concerned that when pulling off the strips they would rip off my skin and in turn rip off my Victoria's Secret sunless face tanner. Well....that's a no-go....I do not work diligently to remember to slather myself nightly to have it ripped off in the morning.

Sorry honey....but it's probably separate bedrooms from here on out....But if it's any consolation, I will have a perfectly sun kissed face when you do see me....

Foul-Mouthed Flower

I firmly believe in having a solid night's sleep on Sunday. Too many times I have tossed and turned thinking about what the week has in store for me, or to do lists that I can do nothing about at 11:55 on Sunday night. Due to this I don't mess around on Sunday nights, I take meds that knock me out. What can I say, better living through modern chemistry!

So last night was no different, around 8:30 I took Mommy's little helpers as I like to call it. Around 9:30 I asked my hubby if he would like me to rub his back before I pass the f--- out. He tried to act surprised and appalled by use of colorful language....then he started dying laughing and said, "you have such a pretty mouth."